I am a MOTHER!!!

So, I've had a lot on my mind the past 10 months. Pretty much since I found out I was pregnant with baby #5. My emotions have been up and down and all over the map. I have wondered "how am I going to do this" so many times it's amazing I'm still sane.
Knowing this, Casey gave me some wonderful books for mothers day this year. "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson and "A mothers book of secrets" by Linda Eyre and Shwni Eyre Pothier. Both are excellent books which I would definitely recommend. They are easy reads and they helped me to realize that I need to give myself a break sometimes and just enjoy the moment instead of thinking about all the things that I can and should do better. Because the more I spend time thinking about those things the more I realize that my deepest fear is that I will FAIL as a Mother. And not just kind of fail but fail miserably! I'm sure all parents feel this way at different times in their lives. But I found myself so consumed with the thought that I was going to fail that I think sometimes that anxiety has made my parenting even worse.

Before I had children, success as a parent meant to me that each child would grow up as the most perfect version of themselves. That they would be kind and loving, respectful, responsible, and everyone's best friend. That they would have self confidence and morals, integrity and a relationship with our Father in Heaven that was so in tune with the spirit that they would never make a bad choice. They would all grow in the gospel and serve missions, marry in the temple and have their own beautiful children free of heart ache and struggle. HA!

The thing that I didn't understand before I had children was how HARD it was going to be. Sure, I knew it was going to be hard but NOT THIS HARD. And of course it's hard because all things that are worth anything ARE hard. They challenge us and force us to grow and learn and stretch us to the edge of breaking, but that's how we learn and it's the ONLY way to get back to our Father in Heaven which, for me, IS the goal.
Of course I still want all those things for my children but I now understand that those things don't come without a price. I do want my children to be good, trustworthy, honest, loving people but I don't want them to breeze through life without pain, heart ache and struggle because those growing pains are required for us to learn and re learn. I have to let them make choices and also deal with the consequences of those choices. (that's the hard part)
I can't be their "savior" and shelter them from heartache because I would also be keeping them from becoming who they can and will be.

Maxwell said to me a couple of weeks ago "Mom, I wish I could stay 7 forever!" And in that moment I wanted it too, but then the thought occurred to me that we grow up so we can experience life, make mistakes and keep making them until we learn from them and that's the ONLY way to reach our ultimate goal of eternal families and to live in the presence of God.

I was talking with a dear friend the other day and venting about my daily frustrations as a mother. I was feeling so defeated that I said "Maybe I'm just not the right mother for these kids because I don't know how to parent them." and then the spirit whispered to me... And that's why YOU ARE their Mother, because they are here to teach you and stretch you and help you grow... tender mercies of the Lord.

Life with 5 children 7 and under has been busy, challenging and so rewarding. Each child brings so much love and so much sweetness to our home.
My house is more messy than it's ever been. I can't seem to stay on top of anything. There are always clean clothes on the couch that need to be folded, dishes in the dishwasher that need to be put away, toys to be picked up and beds to be made. Most days I'm living minute to minute trying to get through it some days not even having time to get myself showered and dressed. But through it all, with out fail, there are those moments that I want time to stand still. I want to savor the giggles and snuggles and excitement. I want the children to stay just the way they are in that moment forever. I want to remember the way their voices sound and the way their eyes shine when they laugh. I even want to remember the way their little lips quiver when they are sad... again, tender mercies of the Lord.

Being a mother is what I have ALWAYS wanted to be and now that I am, as hard as it is at times, it is THE BEST and most MEANINGFUL thing I will ever do. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am truly blessed to be an influence to and give guidance to these 5 AMAZING little people.
And though some days I would like to live Satan's plan and force them to choose the right, I know that I can't ;)... I can only pray with every breath that I will be worthy of the spirit so that I may know what they need individually at all times.

I know I've made mistakes and I'm going to keep on making them, but today I DON'T feel defeated... Today I AM what they need... Today, I AM their MOTHER and I am forever GRATEFUL that the Lord has enough confidence in me that he has entrusted these perfect little spirits to me knowing that I would mess up from time to time but also knowing that if I stay close to Him that He will make me worthy of the task and BLESSING of being their MOTHER!!!

Graham the Man

Graham Gary Waldron was born July 27th, 2011 at 12:09pm. My due date was July 24th and although I was expecting to be overdue and not particularly in favor of the idea of being induced (after the crazy experience with Kylynne's induction) after lot's of prayer, thought and talking with my Doctor I decided to be induced.
I went into the hospital at 7:30am checked in, filled out paperwork, got my IV and was ready to see my doctor. The wonderful Dr. Jones (who also delivered Eva and Mia) checked me and said I was at about 4cm and broke my water at about 9:30am. I got my epidural around 10:15am and never felt any real painful contractions, by this time I was only at about 5cm. After some minor dips in my blood pressure and some dizziness the nurse gave me a little bit of oxygen and some medication to bring my blood pressure back up and then said to let her know if I felt any pressure in my bottom or if I felt the need to push. At about 11:30 I started feeling a lot of pressure down there so I pushed my call button and she came in to check me. As soon as she did she said "you ready to have a baby, cause it's time to push but you'll have to wait a few minutes for Dr. Jones to finish up a delivery. I think it was about 15 minutes later when he came in. Two big pushes and baby boy Waldron was born at 12:09pm. He came out crying and continued to cry and cry for about an hour. I couldn't get him to nurse or be comforted at all so I handed him to Casey and Daddy's magic touch was all it took. Casey rocked him (or bumped him - all you Waldrons know what I'm talking about!) and he finally calmed down and fell asleep.
He was my biggest baby at 8lbs 10oz and 20 1/2in long (and man did I feel it!)

As many of you know it took us about 10 days to decide on a name. That is a long story!!
Graham is a sweet boy and has already changed SO MUCH! I have lot's and lot's of helpers all the time, sometimes too much!

I wondered how Kylynne would take it because she is normally very much a daddy's girl but the last couple of weeks before I had Graham she became VERY clingy to me. I think she knew she was about to lose her place as the baby.

I have been nursing but have been giving bottles as well because my milk supply hasn't been the greatest. The kids LOVE helping and feeding baby. They are all SO excited when it's their turn.

Right after his first bath

Graham slept with us in bed, something I NEVER thought I would do but he slept so much better those first few weeks. It was the best thing ever waking up to this little angel snuggled up next to me. We got lucky somehow and he started sleeping throught the night at about 4 1/2 weeks old and has been since, so he sleeps in his bed now but still in our room.

Kylynne is still very much a daddy's girl and always has to get in on snuggle time when Casey is holding Graham.... He loves it!

1 week

Mia

Eva

He's growing so much and starting to smile and coo. He is so sweet that I just have to kiss him every second I can get. We LOVE having another boy and are so excited he is in our family. It looks like this little dude is going to have brown eyes, yay, I'm crossing my fingers they stay that way!!

Our little Scooter

While we were on our couples retreat in St. George my wonderful parents took care of our children. Friday evening they took the kiddos to jump on it with their cousins. About 10 minutes after they arrived my nephew accidently jumped right onto Kylynne's leg and she broke both bones. My awesome parents took care of everything and it was so comforting knowing they were the ones caring for her. They even kept their plans for the weekend and took all the kids to Idaho to visit with their cousins and see their newest cousin blessed that Sunday. After a weekend of TLC with Grammy and Poppy we were anxious to see her. My Mom said she was such a trooper the whole time and really did well considering her discomfort.
The Pediatrician recommended we see an orthopedic doctor because of the nature of the brake and the proximity to the growth plate. We had to wait about 5 days for all the swelling to go down before she got her hard cast.
She has been SO good the whole time. She really has done well and reminds us a few times a day "I can't step on my leg."
While waiting for the swelling to go down she got to lay with her leg propped up and enjoyed lots of movies, books and snuggle time with Mom and Dad. The first couple of days we were home from our trip all she wanted to do was sit with me and snuggle (which was so wonderful) I didn't get a thing unpacked or done around the house but it was worth it, she just needed me close and it was so sweet.

(Waiting for the Orthopedic doctor to come in and see her.) The whole time we were in the waiting room she absolutely LOVED all the attention she got from everyone and had to tell everyone the story of how it happened and then had to finish by telling them she was going to get a pink cast.

She was SO excited to FINALLY have her pink cast (we got the last one!) The Orthopedic doctor said that she's not supposed to walk on it at all but that she only would have to have it for 4 weeks instead of the 6 weeks we thought she was going to have it. The brake was only about 2cm away from her growth plate but thankfully it missed it so we don't have to worry about any surgery or complications. We get another xray next week to see how things are healing.

Since she got her hard cast she has been getting more and more mobile everyday. The first day or two she still kept it pretty still but has since started crawling around and climbing on things. She still won't put any pressure on it which is good. I want her to be cautious at least until next week when we have it xrayed again and see how things are healing. She lost her balance one afternoon while trying to pull herself up on a chair and stepped back on it and cried pretty hard.

It's pretty cute to see her scoot around on her bum and crawl on her knees. She has been so so good but I can tell some days by the end of the day she's pretty achy and uncomfortable so I'll give her a little Ibuprofen. She gets super frustrated sometimes too not being able to get around or do the things that she wants to do. Those are the times that are the hardest because she wants me to hold her and carry her but since I'm about 5 weeks away from delivery its been a challenge for me. Although I'm grateful that I have felt good this pregnancy and have been able to do as much for her as I have been.

I really have LOVED all the snuggles and hugs and down time with her. She is a such a lug though and all the up and down the two flights of stairs in our house a dozen times a day has been tough but maybe it will get this baby to come early or even on time instead of late! :)

We have been taking lot's of walks in the stroller this week and going to the park so she can swing, because that's all she gets to do. We have been to a different park everyday this week and have enjoyed literally miles of walking.

The older children have been such a help getting her things and getting me things and helping to carry things when we go out. And they all love taking their turn to push her in the stroller. They have been great sports about walking every day. It's been a good thing for all of us.

The day after it happened (I think) my mom said Kylynne looked at her and put her hands on her face and said... "it's not your fault." Which, I think, she knew exactly what she was saying. Kylynne is definitely a sensitive girl and she often says, "it's ok mom." She told me right after the doctor finished up putting her hard cast on "it's ok mom, it's all better now!"

She is such a sweet little girl and we are so happy she is part of our family. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE or little Ky Ky!

Couples Retreat

Last weekend the four oldest siblings in Casey's family, along with their spouses, got together for a couples retreat. Three of the seven married kids coudn't make it... we missed you D & K, B & K, and T & R :)
Our brother in law's parents have a beautiful vacation home in St. George that we were able to stay at together (Thank you Bill and Annette).
We got there Wednesday night and stayed until Sunday afternoon. We spent time hiking, eating, laughing, playing games, eating, swimming, eating, sleeping in, watching movies, going to the temple, eating, relaxing, talking, shopping, staying up late, enjoying each others company and eating some more. I felt full the entire trip - time for a body detox!!
It was so much fun being together for 4 days with no distractions and NO KIDS!! We were able to completely relax and enjoy visiting with no interruptions - something we rarely get to do.
I am so grateful to have married into such an AMAZING family. It's always awesome being together and was so great spending time with my honey before the baby comes.

Thank you so much to all of our family members who took care of our 16 children, without you the trip never could have happened. Specefically thank you to my amazing parents who so willingly took a break from their own hectic lives to help us. Even with baby Ky and her injury (post to follow) not skipping a beat and doing all that you did. We love you so so much and hope you know how much our children absolutely adore you. Thank you for loving them and caring for them.

Next time hopefully all the marrieds and "soon to be marrieds" can make it and we can make it a tradition. Love you guys... Thanks for a great time!!

The whole group at the St. George temple

The dessert was so beautiful!!

Easter Sunday

I love Easter Sunday... It's such a wonderful time to reflect on the priceless sacrifice our Savior made for all of us as well as the fact that He is risen!!!
We tried to focus the day around the Savior by listening to a talk by Bruce R. Mckonkie (thanks mom for the copy). As we listened the children were all surprisingly quiet and after is was over Maxwell said "Mom, I listened to the whole thing." So I asked what he learned from the talk and he said "I already knew that Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane and that he was resurrected." Then Eva piped in "Yeah, and that he died on the cross for us." Yesss... (happy parent moment) they do listen!!

I am so grateful for the life that our Savior lived and the incomprehensible sacrifice he made for me personally. He does know each of us individually and loves us unconditionally. He lives to bless us and direct us back to him.

In the car on the way home from church Mia said "Why do we have to go where Jesus is? Why can't he just come to where we are." then Eva said "Yeah, I want him to be in our family and not with anyone else."

Happy Easter!!!

Randoms...

- So today I took Eva to the Pediatrician for her kindergarten physical. I decided to have them go separately because it's a little chaotic taking both at the same time and I really wanted to make it fun and have some one on one time. Eva was so cute and talkative the whole drive there. She's such a chatter box when you get her one on one. She told Dr. Wilcox all about the things she likes to do. She did awesome with shots and left with a smile. She's still lingering just under 35 pounds like she has for the last year and is about 20th percentile for height and weight. She is starting to write really well and loves to draw and color. She writes her name on EVERYTHING! She LOVES to sing and dance can usually be caught in the middle of one or the other at any given moment just like her sister. They are such a great duo. She had to tell Mia all about what to expect when it's her turn to go to the doctor on friday. :)

Eva

- Mia and Eva are into talking about getting married right now. Today Eva said "first the boy and girl have to dance and then they get married". Obviously they have been watching too many disney movies. Last night Eva said "Mom, I don't know who to marry." I told her she had lots of time to decide. and not to worry about it to much yet. That then started a whole conversation about what kind of person they should marry. "Someone nice, of course" Mia said. Followed by "Like a boy that can cook dinner for the kids when I can't." Good quality :) "We should only marry someone who's going to be a good daddy... like our daddy." Then Eva said "Yeah, our dads a good dad!" I just love our conversations.

Mia

- Maxwell has been busy with a competitive soccer league for the past few weeks which he absolutely LOVES!! That boy has more energy then he knows what to do with so soccer has been great. He plays 3 times a week for 2 hours and it's still not enough. The other day he looked at Casey after practice and said "Dad, I want to play soccer at BYU when I grow up, like you." Casey of course had a smile from ear to ear hearing that. Although, neither of us want him to feel like he has to or that we'll be disappointed if he doesn't.

He had his patriotic program at school last week. It was so fun hearing all the first graders singing songs that I sang at that age, I love it. It brought tears to my eyes as they recognized all the men in the audience who have served our country as the children sang "God bless the U.S.A." and waved their little flags.

Maxwell just finished the 100 book club at his school, we are so proud of him and the great student he is. He earned a t-shirt and a free pass to Seven Peaks water park.

Maxwell with his teacher Mrs. Hulme after the patriotic program. We absolutely LOVE Mrs. Hulme. She has been the perfect teacher for Maxwell.

- Kylynne is our little munchkin girl. She wants to go outside everyday and has at least one fit a day because she wants to go out and push the stroller or ride her bike. (oh how I miss CA for this reason) On Sunday she went out in the snow for 30 minutes and wouldn't come in until she was absolutely frozen. She is such a sassy little girl but on the flip side as sweet as can be. She doesn't have a problem standing her ground with her 3 older siblings.

Kylynne loves to "swim", as she calls it. We call it taking a bath, but she does get her fair share of swimming in too!

One of my favorite things she says when she's a little uneasy about something or feels unsure she'll say to us, "I gochyou" as she holds tight to us.

- I have been struggling lately with my patience and find that when I'm tired, which feels like most days, my patience is even less. I was talking to my wonderful neighbor yesterday who has raised 8 boys and she gave me some good advise and referred me to a book called "scream free parenting" So, I ordered it on amazon today and am looking forward to reading it. It teaches parents how to let their children have freedom to make choices knowing ahead of time what the consequence is going to be. Letting them make the choice and taking the blame off of you as a parent and helping them understand that they chose the consequence when they chose to disobey. So, we'll see. I could use all the help I can get.

I want my children to make choices based on morals and doing it because they understand that its the right thing rather than just based on threats or fear. Every parents goal, I'm sure.

- Casey just spent all of his free time for the last couple of weeks digging a 15 foot hole in the ground next to our house to access the broken sewage pipe that caused the two floods in our basement right before and right after Christmas. We got two different quotes, one for $8,000 and one for $6,000 to do the dig and repair the pipe. Well, not having the money to pay for it, he said he was going to do it himself. At first I was a little worried about him doing it but later figured why not... doing all the work himself saved us a lot of money. The actual pipe repair itself only cost us $189, what a difference. We had help from our awesome neighbors and our brother in law. I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing man who isn't afraid of hard work and blesses us daily with his love. I am one lucky girl!

Starting the dig. Maxwell enjoyed helping too, for a little while

This was after the pipe was repaired and the fill dirt was packed around it, right before they started to fill the hole. The picture doesn't do justice to how deep it actually is.

Almost finished filling it back in... and so tired. What a man!!

Happy Birthday Grammy Karen!!

Today is the birth day of one of the most influential women in my life. My dear mother in law Karen.

Karen had the most wonderful spirit about her. She had this AMAZING smile and contagious laugh. She had so much LOVE to give. She was incredibly UNSELFISH. She was always giving of her time to anyone and everyone. She GENUINELY cared for everyone she met. She wasn't ashamed of who she was and was NEVER afraid to be herself even if it meant looking silly in front of others. She ALWAYS stood up for her belief in family and in the gospel of Jesus Christ. She was an ADVOCATE for her children in every situation and LOVED her husband with a passion.

She wasn't perfect, none of us are. She made mistakes, as we all do. She lost her temper and yelled and argued with others about insignificant things, as we all have.
But the things that she did RIGHT, those or the things that stay with me, in my heart, FOREVER.

The most important thing she did for me personally was raise a WORTHY and RIGHTEOUS son. She encouraged her son to be the best version of himself he could be in every aspect of his life. She taught him about INTEGRITY, HONESTY, RESPECT, LOYALTY, FRIENDSHIP, HARD WORK, and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

She was so great at making any occasion special for those she loved. Whether it was a birthday, valentine's day, Christmas, baby shower, graduation, sporting events, etc. and always knew how important it was to make others feel like a million bucks.
When Casey and I were dating she always asked if he had money to take me out, if he was "spoiling me" and made sure that he was treating me with RESPECT.

She LOVED life and enjoyed it to it's FULLEST. She didn't need a reason to take a vacation or pull the kids out of school to do a fun activity. She wanted to live life and enjoy every MOMENT.

She absolutely ADORED all of her grand babies. She would take every moment to ROCK and SNUGGLE, even when she wasn't feel her best. She found so much JOY in life and in those she LOVED and she radiated that LOVE to everyone she came in contact with.

The spirit of who she is and the life she led, gives me strength when I wonder "how I'm going to be a mother to 5 children and do it right". The strength of her SPIRIT lives in all of us and helps us make good choices and live better lives.

There is NO DOUBT in me that she is aware of each of her family members. She LOVES us still and lives on doing an incredible and important work.

I also truly feel that she has a deep love for the woman that has most recently joined our family as a help mate and companion to her eternal sweetheart. She has an eternal perspective and no doubt has welcomed Shelly's roll (my new mother in law) in the life of our family, though it is not perfect, we are working on it.

Thank you Grammy Karen for the woman that you are and for the life you lived. I am FOREVER changed because of the influence you have had in my life. I LOVE you.