That's what she said....

I know that I haven't blogged in awhile. Part of me is over it and part of me doesn't want to make the time to do it although I like doing it because it helps me feel connected to people when I don't have time to talk to distant friends and family as much as I would like.

I never just write anything, 'cause I figure most people just skip over that part and go strait to the pictures anyway (I'll admit, I'm guilty of doing that sometimes). So this post may just be for me, wanting to write something for no reason at all.

This week I have been particularly emotional, although those of you who know me well wouldn't be shocked by that. Casey and I celebrated our tenth year wedding anniversary. Wow, TEN years! When we were newly weds ten years seemed so very far away. It also seemed that in ten years we would be established in a home and settled in with children, a good job and the life that I often dreamed of as a child. Even five years ago when life was so much simpler, another five years seemed like it would bring so much more stability, consistency and maturity. Now we are here. I look at our situation and feel lost, unsure and anything but consistent and stable. It feels like we should have it all together. That we should know with a surety by now what we can expect for the next 50+ years. We should have a home and be a part of a community that we can feel connected to and involved in and that our children would be settled and confident in their lives. It feels like we should be confident in our parenting and in our ability to be self reliant and to have the attitude that would allow us to make things happen for ourselves.
I know that this thought is one of blissful ignorance and that there's no possible way to go through life without the lessons that bring us to our knee's.
Even as I sit here typing away, I am 100% confident in the things that I do know. Though so much of the before mentioned gives a person security it doesn't necessarily bring peace. And though I am struggling with finding my footing on a daily basis, I do have peace. I have a knowledge of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and I have confidence in where I fit in His eternal plan of happiness. I have a righteous and loving husband who would do anything to make sure I am happy and safe. I have four beautiful children that fill my life with more joy than I knew was possible. And I have family and friends that surround me with their support and love on a daily basis.
So at the risk of sounding cliche... to say that life isn't what I dreamed it would be, would be inaccurate... It's SO MUCH MORE!

"One's life.... cannot be both faith filled and stress free... Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, "Lord, give me the experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which make Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy... Real faith... is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process"
Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Life teaches us lesson after lesson with no exception... and that's what she said!